


Deluded

by jaekayelle



Category: Firefly
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-03
Updated: 2012-05-03
Packaged: 2017-11-04 18:12:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/396746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaekayelle/pseuds/jaekayelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What he believes and what is real.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deluded

**Author's Note:**

> kelly_girl's request: Mal/Simon angst/smut with the line, "Is that what you think about me?" Hope this is what you wanted.

No shipboard romances. Well, they never did it on board Serenity, and it certainly wasn't a romance. Mal felt that all parameters had been met. He opened his eyes, noticing that Simon was watching him again. The doc always seemed to be watching him lately, when they passed in a corridor, at the dinner table – discretely, of course, never when anyone besides Mal could catch him doing it, and especially in bed. Having a man wanted by the law for a sex partner could be really inconvenient at times, since Mal refused to bed him on the ship and they couldn’t always meet on planets occupied by the Alliance. Still, when they did get together they were heat and lightning in a bottle. Somebody oughta package them up so they could fuel Serenity. 

Sweat dripped off his nose, splashing onto Simon's bare chest. The doc tightened his legs around Mal's hips as if encouraging him to move. When Mal failed to react quickly enough Simon squeezed harder. Bruises were certain to be left.

"If you don't do something fast and now, I won't be responsible for what happens to you later," Simon ground out. Then he punctuated his threat by clenching muscles around Mal's dick. Mal yelped out what had started as a moan. The intensity of velvet heat strangling him down there was an incredible sensation, painful and wonderful at the same time. It actually _hurt_ but Mal wanted more. 

He dragged himself most of the way out, fighting for the quasi-freedom every inch of the way, and then he shoved back in – hard. Simon groaned, long and loud, the sound reverberating all the way down his body and into Mal's, getting into the back of his throat until it filled him and he had to cry out. 

Having sex with Simon was a sometimes-agonizing experience. And he thought Jayne had been rough and tumble the few times they'd paired up. Three months with Simon it wasn't so much rough with the rolling on the bed, falling to the floor and bashing into furniture kind of thing. It was more like sensory overload. Simon Tam was all sorts of a sensual treat. He was expensive champagne and sweet, sweet candy and a juicy steak cooked medium rare. He was a deep massage in the hands of an expert. He was wide-open prairie with the biggest, bluest sky in the world, and a herd of the finest beef cattle running on bought and paid for land. He set Mal's nerve endings on fire from the inside out burning them raw. And he was just the tiniest bit addictive. 

If Mal was a smart man – and he prided himself on being one – he would end this now. Well, not _now_. Later. After they were done here…or maybe tomorrow. 

Next week. Next week would be a good time. When they were between planets and the prospect of getting laid wasn't looming close on the near horizon. 

Simon writhed underneath him, the movement causing shockwaves to tumble through Mal. He glared at Simon, but the look softened to a smirk when he saw how hard his partner was trying to throw his equilibrium. As good as they were in bed, they were never going to be anything but oil and water, never gelling, always at odds. The difference between their usual relationship and this melding of bodies was that here it only served to heighten the experience. Mal snapped his hips and Simon hissed at him, dark eyes flashing angrily but with the satisfaction of a challenge met, a wager raised. 

Mal pulled out. 

"Hey!" Simon protested when Mal flipped him over onto his stomach, his complaints squelched when Mal speared him from behind and began fucking him hard and fast. Instead of objecting, Simon rose up on hands and knees and met each frenzied thrust as good as he got. His head dropped so that dark hair flopped back and forth across the mattress. He grasped two big handfuls of sheets, fingers scoring the scratchy linen. Mal's arms snaked around Simon's middle and pulled him up flush against his chest. As he pounded into him Simon rested his head on Mal's shoulder, his groans gaining in volume and intensity. His hands were now gripping Mal's thighs, leaving more bruises. Mal didn't care. He had one purpose in life now and that was to climb inside this lithe, beautiful man and live there. That thought fled his mind before it completely sank in and then he was coming, pouring streams of semen into Simon. The doctor had taken himself in hand and pumped furiously until he too climaxed. He sagged in Mal's arms. Mal wasn't feeling too substantial his own self, but managed to support both of them for at least half a minute, before his body gave up and he fell to the bed in slow motion, taking Simon with him. 

They separated but Simon rolled over again and ended up half on top of Mal. Surprised but not entirely averse to the idea, Mal let him stay where he was. 

"I think I'm dead," the doctor pronounced. 

"You killed me, too." Mal heaved a contented sigh, already headed most of the way towards sleep. "You are one fine lay, doc."

Rousing just a smidgen, Simon asked, "Excuse me?"

"You're just what a horny space captain needs – hot, energetic and willing." He yawned. "And available. Can't forget that."

Simon rose up on his elbows and stared at him. Mal could see him through half-closed eyes. He couldn't read his expression, though, but he was awfully sleepy so that could account for that.

"If I'm so available, why do we never spend time together on Serenity?" Simon asked in that tone of voice that warned Mal this conversation was about to get loud.

He made a reasonable effort to stay awake and participate, just to keep the volume down. He hated arguing after sex. After sex was for contentment. 

"You know why. I don't go for having relations with my crew. It don't bode well when things go wrong."

"And how does the two of us fucking like crazed weasels off the ship not constitute us having a relationship?" 

"Off ship don't count," Mal said. Wasn't it obvious?

"How do you figure that?" Simon's voice wasn't getting louder but it was sounding angrier.

"We don't have a relationship. We, as you say, fuck like crazed weasels and we get on with things like me running the ship, and you doctorin' the crew when one of us gets shot in the business of runnin' the ship." 

"So I'm a convenience?" Now that was said with a reasonable tone of voice. Not a good sign in the middle of an argument. Simon did not give up in the middle of such a discussion.

"Well, yeah. You're handy."

"Is that what you think about me?" Simon's eyebrows had disappeared up into the heavy dark hair falling across his forehead.

How to answer that without possibly getting killed by a crazy naked man? Mal didn't know the best way out of this mess, so he tried soothing Simon by stroking his arms and shoulders. Simon jerked away from his touch. His movements stiff and truncated, he got off the bed and started pulling on clothing. 

"Where are you going? We still got time before we have to get back to the ship."

"Well, I'm going back now." Simon's speech was clipped. He had his pants on and was searching for something. The way he snatched up his shirt explained that was it. 

"Doc… Simon, wait." Mal held out his hand but made no real move to stop Simon from leaving. Part of him – the part between his legs – told him to go to the doctor. The rest of him was frozen by indecision. He was getting far too attached to Simon Tam and that could only lead to bad things. Getting attached meant emotional involvement, which could lead to affection, and then to other deeper and more permanent feelings. When Simon left the ship, and he would, eventually being driven away by Mal's less than pliant outlook about how he ran his ship or, more probably, when the Alliance caught Simon or River, Mal would be left without a partner anyway. Best that things be kept businesslike between them; it would matter less that way and be easier for both of them to go on afterwards. 

So he lay back against the limp pillow and watched as Simon finished dressing. The doctor strode towards the door but stopped with his hand on the doorknob. For a moment Mal thought he would look back and maybe change his mind about leaving. He watched and waited.

Simon opened the door and walked out, the cheap wood creaking shut behind him but still with a finality that left Mal unsettled.

He stared at the grainy door. 

It was better this way. Too much champagne, candy and steak could make a man sick. Mal was used to a steady diet of protein powder. It wasn't terribly appetizing but it was perfect fare for a simple rancher-soldier turned cargo ship's captain. 

He closed his eyes and tried to relax. He still had time before he had to get back to the ship. Emptying his mind of all thoughts of Simon Tam helped. Yeah, this was the right thing. 

Mal's rubbed his hand across his belly, trying to ease the knot inside. There was not much he could do about the ache in his chest. At least, not much he would do about it.

 

# end


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